One of the most complex issues that has surfaced surrounding our move from El Paso, TX, to Evanston, IL, was how to justify the move to our children. We didn't need to move, we wanted to move. In fact I wanted to move, just like when I wanted to move from San Diego, CA, to New York, NY, and from Brooklyn, NY, to Durango, CO. Telling children that you want to walk away from comfort, a good job, awesome friends, a lovely home, etc., is illogical.
My good friend Maura tells me to talk to the boys about the move, explain to them the benefits but both boys look at me with blank faces when I wax poetic about public transportation and many different languages being spoken on a city block.
What my children want and what my husband and I want is rarely the same thing and this move was not something they wanted, but they went along with it and only now, six months later, do I hear grumbling like in the title of this post.
But as always, and their therapist can hear all about it later, this move was about my marriage, my future and ME and I had a hunch it would benefit all that plus my children. Six months into it, I feel incredibly vindicated as both my husband and I are working at jobs we love, our children are attending one of the best public schools in Illinois (Go Dewey!) and lots of friends and neighbors have opened their hearts and homes to us without doing a background check. (Phew)
So as I look at my son as he awaits a good response to "Mom, I've lived in 5 houses and I'm only 10. Isn't that a bit much?" I can't help but just stare back at him in silence, pondering how well this will prepare him as he moves to a new middle school and moves to a far away university and moves to a far away country to follow his love after college. He'll be ready and happy to move and change because his parents taught him at the young age of 10 that moving is growing and like William Butler Yeats said “Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.”
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Thank you for reading my blog "Evanston Newbie", a project that I am using to chronicle my new life in Evanston. Do you have favorite Evanston bakeries, bike shops, events that you can recommend? Send me an email at thelisadshow@gmail.com and I will post my review on this blog. -Lisa Degliantoni
lovely post. louie and miles are lucky to have a mama like you :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Cassie, that means so much! I try to be a happy mom, more singing, hugging and kissing! Less over programming and worrying!
ReplyDeleteNice.
ReplyDelete- your friend Maura.
Just having gone through a similar but not identical experience myself I say right on! I don't have children, so no need to justify my move other than it was personally, desperately needed.
ReplyDeleteThat said, a few points to add:
1. Change is inevitable- sometimes it is better to make the change proactively- at least you control your destiny that way.
2. Change is good- it can be! It forces you to do things you wouldn't do had you stayed in your zone.
3. Missing something is good- that means you liked it in the first place.
It's never easy to leave a sure thing. But nothing is permanent, and sometimes it is so much better to pilot your destiny!
Where to next?
Maybe I should move to Chicago. At this point, I'm not sure where I will move to; I just know I NEED to move. Reading stories like this inspires me to maintain that goal.
ReplyDeleteLove this post Lisa. Bought back memories of childhood. Growing up I moved quite a bit, From Waco, TX. to Milledgeville, GA. to Syracuse, NY. to Chicago, IL. and finally my parents settled in San Antonio, TX. My parents heard lots of complains from me and my sisters with every move. Moving can seem quite confusing, but now I'm so thankful they did it. I grew more independent and free. Which allowed me as an adult to move to follow my love to El Paso, TX and then follow my heart to Ireland. Change is a great thing for kids. They will be more well rounded because of it. Cheers to you new adventure and thank you so sharing you experience.
ReplyDeleteThanks Emacias! You are very nice to say that. I remember as a child wanting to move more than anything in the world. It used to drive me bananas that I lived in the same house until I was 18 and now I'm skipping all over the country. My children's rebellion will be to stick in one place from 18 and hopefully I will have shown them enough cool towns that they pick a good one to settle in. Thanks for reading and I am so JEALOUS that you lived in Ireland!
ReplyDeleteYou Fords are doing awesome, you should be so proud!xo!
ReplyDelete